Wondering about my footprints on the slurping road, I found the flower on the curb, wet carton, and a bud... Mistake me not, I'm all about good things and heavy values, baggy pockets of my Pa's advice.

Congratulate me I am slightly in love. Yet I am in the situation when I should sing this already:

You said we're fatally flopped
When I'm easily bored
Is that okay?
Strike me off your list
Made this the last kiss
I'll walk away

Why don't we talk about it
I'm only here Don't shout it
Given time we'll forget
Let's pretend we never meet

Screw you I didn't like your taste
Anway, I chose you
Let's all gone to wasted Saturday
I'll go out and find another you | Robbie Williams

feel that way. besides that I have met a woman, after two meetings she mens a lot to me. now how would you call that?

It is very familiar feeling I first wanted to call it strange but it would not be true. I know it so fine that it is silly. This one is much stronger then the one known. Magnified by the need, affection, attraction and in the end desire. There is no peace at the moment, like some addiction it is screaming to be yield to it. But there is nothing I can do. Just to wait and see what is going to happen.

Moving to apartment two stories down, with the outdoor deck. Hello grill. I have not yet packed, and probably will not. Will just walk hands full down and up. I have been given kitchen utensils by my friends. TOnight same friends entrusted me to babysit their son. I had wonderful 2 hours. WE played laughed watched tv. He is a little more 2 years old. It is wonderful to be accepted by a child. When he give you a hug when you leave, means a lot to me.

Hangover

Today is the day of my name. I am having a fete. Got a bottle of red, bought movie online. Half of it was downloaded in 1 hour, filesize 1.3gb. "Downfall" came out when GErmany took the ban on showing Hitler in media away. Brilliant half of the movie, emotion were heated up with the wine and the prelude of french renaissance songs from http://www.magnatunes.com It is strange when you feel compassion to "bad heros" of the movies. I bet that is what the filmmakers would like you to be. Controversy. I once felt sympathy to intelligence and sophistication of main character of movie Hannibal, yet I loathed the other parts of him. Now Hitler, in this intence realistic, jaw dropping movie. He is defeated, sorry, he is scared. People are scared not of dying or pain, they are scared that they dreams will not come true, they will vanish without falling in love, buying big house, seeing their child's first date. It is fear. HE felt it I am sure, he had "great" dreams that fell, christalized and broke at once, just like that... And the people around him hoping that he will save them, their wonderful and powerful Fuhrer. He was just a madman. Let us see what will happen in the other part of the movie.
I still got wine!
And i play that music. "Orinda" french renaissance songs m m m m m .

She has failed, yet probably another Mustafa has succeeded...

Mother is going for her first US visa in two days. She says she is nervous, it is nothing, I think, comparing to what pressure I felt when I have been there twice and failed once. But I have succeded and here I am. Truthfully unaffraid.
I have a new friend that I correspond with. Her method is to give me replies one single time a week she says she writes when she feels like it. Well I shall see how it is going to be this week, for I may be mistaken, she can change. No matter how passionate and radiant my letters are she keeps me captivated, waiting for her short answers...
I did mediatation yesturday, I have succeeded. My method is following: I lie on the floor closed yes, count backwards from 100 to 0. Silence must be present, complete relacation of the muscules of the body. I have reached first wave when I counted till 40. I was like switching the gear on the car, automatic, it switched unexpectedly, suddenly everything is simple and understandable I felt happy relising that there it is - takeit. It felt light and refreshing. I tried to do the same today after work and I was falling asleep, so it did not work. Do not be tired if you want to do it.

I have a co worker, he is a good salesperson, he has drinking problem, too often he does not care to come to work late smelling like we young boys smelled after vodka party in Riga. He lost his license to DUI. I give him a ride often. One interesting thing about this relationship is that I give him a ride to the liquor store for 6 dollars. 6 $ buy me 2 gallons of gas on which I can ride 55 miles. Store is 6 miles both ways. I simply ride on his money these days... Bed time

My parents sent me my kinda diary, just memmories, thoughts. I found something intresting and I will post it here.
first one dated 20.04.2003: written in dorms of noble neighborhood of Teika in Riga:
It happened like abnormal calamity, I was idle at the apartment of mine, she knocked on my door, I paced to open it I was tacit. Then I saw her with little daisy in her hair. Her face was facetious and earnest at the time. Her keen look made me lover my eyes to her waist.The gait was smooth and the look become vague when she stopped behind the table, if she had a bible she could oath instantly, a secret oath, she was my umpire from the outside. I touched her half-heartedly which made her radiant. Paddling with free hand in the air, she was still tactful.

Today, left my car in bad place for parking, police officer said, are you leaving it here? I said no I will be back, he said "Arnold" I turned around and said "Stallone". We both laughed and went away smiling.
And it is my second encounter with police in US, first I was told that my brake light fails, after checking my status through border patrol for 30 minutes, he gave me written warning, I checked my lights and they were fine, but I was happy to finish it this way, cause I was supposed to have a Vermont lisence anyway but not LAtvian, but it went through. I am getting my Green Mountain license soon. Few words for my friends coced and gHusta. HEllo guys pardon for english it is better this way. OK back to work.